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One of the best books we have read in our marriage is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The info we gleaned from this book has supported us and uplifted our marriage numerous times. It was amazing how that happened once we learned how we like to be loved and how we love each other.
What are the Five Languages of Love?
Love languages are time, touch, service, gifts and words. Everyone has a language that makes them feel loved and cared for. You can have two but not usually. Figuring out what someones love language is can be quite challenging and possibly cause problems, like this:
Julie turned 50 last month and I wanted to make sure it was as memorable a birthday as she is. So I set about making plans with her mom to do one of our favorite things - go to a WSU Cougar basketball game and make a full getaway weekend of it. I had every little detail planned where to stay, eat, how to get there. Only thing I was going to handle later was childcare for our brood. I couldn't wait to see her face!
Well, although she liked the gift, it wasn't perfect because of the fact that she had those child care issues hanging over her head. And that didn't allow her to get excited. I had trouble understanding this, because my love language is time, and this was a gift that really spoke to that. Only problem - it wasn't my present, it was hers! Sometimes, people give love in the same language as they receive love, and that doesn't always work if the other person doesn't have the same love language as you.
The Us Factor Marriage Program
We've recently been listening to the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick, a new marriage program designed to help make a marriage better (or save it altogether). One of the things Dr. Melnick encourages in his program is to really listen to your partner, and that's exactly what I did.
We went out on date night, and had a good time. Toward the end of the evening, Julie said she wanted to talk to me about the birthday present, and I agreed to try, without getting too defensive. I tend to get childish sometimes when I think I've made a mistake, and I didn't want to do that. As we talked through the issue, we came to the realization that although Julie also has the love language of time, she has one that is more important to her. What we determined was that it was very important for the child-care problem to be addressed, and that she didn't have to do it for her to feel loved. I still didn't quite get it, so I asked her what would have been a perfect gift.
The Perfect Present
Pondering the question, she related that memories of her big 5-0 would always start with our dining out at one of our favorite family restaurants. I had taking time off from work and the kids had put on their Sunday finest and we whisked her away with her not haviing to worry about a single detail. Ah-ha! Service was her primary love language. What, you say? Service is serving another, putting them before yourself, so my not working and the kids shrugging off their favorite sweatshirts and tennies spelled LOVE to her. As did my giving her car a good cleaning early that day. Time language of love is still not far behind!
A hearty thank you to Dr. Melnick (Us Factor) and Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) for facilitating a growing moment for me and Julie. Our marriage is better for it. The Five Love Languages book is a must read for every married couple.
What are the Five Languages of Love?
Love languages are time, touch, service, gifts and words. Everyone has a language that makes them feel loved and cared for. You can have two but not usually. Figuring out what someones love language is can be quite challenging and possibly cause problems, like this:
Julie turned 50 last month and I wanted to make sure it was as memorable a birthday as she is. So I set about making plans with her mom to do one of our favorite things - go to a WSU Cougar basketball game and make a full getaway weekend of it. I had every little detail planned where to stay, eat, how to get there. Only thing I was going to handle later was childcare for our brood. I couldn't wait to see her face!
Well, although she liked the gift, it wasn't perfect because of the fact that she had those child care issues hanging over her head. And that didn't allow her to get excited. I had trouble understanding this, because my love language is time, and this was a gift that really spoke to that. Only problem - it wasn't my present, it was hers! Sometimes, people give love in the same language as they receive love, and that doesn't always work if the other person doesn't have the same love language as you.
The Us Factor Marriage Program
We've recently been listening to the Us Factor by Dr. Joseph Melnick, a new marriage program designed to help make a marriage better (or save it altogether). One of the things Dr. Melnick encourages in his program is to really listen to your partner, and that's exactly what I did.
We went out on date night, and had a good time. Toward the end of the evening, Julie said she wanted to talk to me about the birthday present, and I agreed to try, without getting too defensive. I tend to get childish sometimes when I think I've made a mistake, and I didn't want to do that. As we talked through the issue, we came to the realization that although Julie also has the love language of time, she has one that is more important to her. What we determined was that it was very important for the child-care problem to be addressed, and that she didn't have to do it for her to feel loved. I still didn't quite get it, so I asked her what would have been a perfect gift.
The Perfect Present
Pondering the question, she related that memories of her big 5-0 would always start with our dining out at one of our favorite family restaurants. I had taking time off from work and the kids had put on their Sunday finest and we whisked her away with her not haviing to worry about a single detail. Ah-ha! Service was her primary love language. What, you say? Service is serving another, putting them before yourself, so my not working and the kids shrugging off their favorite sweatshirts and tennies spelled LOVE to her. As did my giving her car a good cleaning early that day. Time language of love is still not far behind!
A hearty thank you to Dr. Melnick (Us Factor) and Gary Chapman (The Five Love Languages) for facilitating a growing moment for me and Julie. Our marriage is better for it. The Five Love Languages book is a must read for every married couple.
About the Author:
Is your marriage on the rocks, good but you want great, or somewhere in the middle? Whatever your situation, take a look at our How To Fix My Marriage website for lots more tips and tools to make your marriage the best possible. Plus, you can read the Us Factor Review for more information on this great new marriage product.
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