to get your ex back you check out
The Magic Of Making Up
for the most advanced methods available today on the subject.
Nobody wants there partner not to trust them, but we often bring this on ourselves by using "The Yes...But" style of talking to them, according to Dr. Joseph Melnick, the creator of the popular marriage program The Us Factor. What exactly is "The Yes...But"? It's when you start out a sentence with a positive phrase, but finish it with a negative one. Here's what I mean:
"Sweetie, you've been doing a great job of paying the bills, but I prefer to pay the house payment before I take money for groceries".
Here's another: "You do such a good job helping the kids with their homework, but it would sure be nice if you didn't work so much so you could be here every night".
These are examples of how the second half of a sentence can wipe out the first half. If this gets to be too much of a habit, and you use this style of communicating often, your spouse will eventually start to just hear the negative half, and not even notice the compliment. They'll feel manipulated, and they are.
Sometimes, one partner feels the need to start a conversation in a positive way if it's going to be a difficult thing to talk about. They think that's the way to not let the other person down:
"You're really a good person, but I can't live with you anymore". Ouch!
If you need to talk to your spouse about something that might be uncomfortable, don't surprise them with it. It's better to prepare the ground first - ask them when would be a good time and place to discuss a concern you have.
If you want to make your relationship work, you have to separate the bad from the good, or they'll get all muddled. If you like the way your partner arranged the furniture, tell them that. Otherwise, if you don't like it, say something like "This furniture arrangement doesn't work for me - can we sit down and talk about it?".
Be ready to use good communication techniques - give examples, but make sure you don't blame them or shame them. Be compassionate and use "I feel" statements, and your conversations will be much smoother. Above all - don't mix up the positive and negative!
"Sweetie, you've been doing a great job of paying the bills, but I prefer to pay the house payment before I take money for groceries".
Here's another: "You do such a good job helping the kids with their homework, but it would sure be nice if you didn't work so much so you could be here every night".
These are examples of how the second half of a sentence can wipe out the first half. If this gets to be too much of a habit, and you use this style of communicating often, your spouse will eventually start to just hear the negative half, and not even notice the compliment. They'll feel manipulated, and they are.
Sometimes, one partner feels the need to start a conversation in a positive way if it's going to be a difficult thing to talk about. They think that's the way to not let the other person down:
"You're really a good person, but I can't live with you anymore". Ouch!
If you need to talk to your spouse about something that might be uncomfortable, don't surprise them with it. It's better to prepare the ground first - ask them when would be a good time and place to discuss a concern you have.
If you want to make your relationship work, you have to separate the bad from the good, or they'll get all muddled. If you like the way your partner arranged the furniture, tell them that. Otherwise, if you don't like it, say something like "This furniture arrangement doesn't work for me - can we sit down and talk about it?".
Be ready to use good communication techniques - give examples, but make sure you don't blame them or shame them. Be compassionate and use "I feel" statements, and your conversations will be much smoother. Above all - don't mix up the positive and negative!
About the Author:
Is your marriage on the rocks, OK but you want better, or somewhere in the middle? Wherever you're at, you ought to visit http://howtofixmymarriage.com for lots of tools and techniques to help your marriage to flourish. You can also read about the Us Factor for more information on this great new marriage product.
0 comments:
Post a Comment