Don't Make Your Spouse Not Trust You - Avoid the Yes...But Habit!

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By Matt Hellstrom

Nobody wants there partner not to trust them, but we often bring this on ourselves by using "The Yes...But" style of talking to them, according to Dr. Joseph Melnick, the creator of the popular marriage program The Us Factor. What exactly is "The Yes...But"? It's when you start out a sentence with a positive phrase, but finish it with a negative one. Here's what I mean:

"Sweetie, you've been doing a great job of paying the bills, but I prefer to pay the house payment before I take money for groceries".

Here's another: "You do such a good job helping the kids with their homework, but it would sure be nice if you didn't work so much so you could be here every night".

These are examples of how the second half of a sentence can wipe out the first half. If this gets to be too much of a habit, and you use this style of communicating often, your spouse will eventually start to just hear the negative half, and not even notice the compliment. They'll feel manipulated, and they are.

Sometimes, one partner feels the need to start a conversation in a positive way if it's going to be a difficult thing to talk about. They think that's the way to not let the other person down:

"You're really a good person, but I can't live with you anymore". Ouch!

If you need to talk to your spouse about something that might be uncomfortable, don't surprise them with it. It's better to prepare the ground first - ask them when would be a good time and place to discuss a concern you have.

If you want to make your relationship work, you have to separate the bad from the good, or they'll get all muddled. If you like the way your partner arranged the furniture, tell them that. Otherwise, if you don't like it, say something like "This furniture arrangement doesn't work for me - can we sit down and talk about it?".

Be ready to use good communication techniques - give examples, but make sure you don't blame them or shame them. Be compassionate and use "I feel" statements, and your conversations will be much smoother. Above all - don't mix up the positive and negative!

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Is your marriage on the rocks, OK but you want better, or somewhere in the middle? Wherever you're at, you ought to visit http://howtofixmymarriage.com for lots of tools and techniques to help your marriage to flourish. You can also read about the Us Factor for more information on this great new marriage product.

Is Your Marriage is in Trouble? Five Warning Signs

This is an informative article By: Dena Tilson, how ever I suggest if you are really serious about learning steps
to get your ex back you check out
The Magic Of Making Up
for the most advanced methods available today on the subject.

By Dena Tilson

A very sad but true fact is that many people are completely blindsided by their spouse asking for a divorce. Oh sure, they were aware that the marriage was shaky, but had no idea that their spouse was considering ending the marriage. Here are five things that signal you need to really take a hard look at your marriage or risk having it end.

1. Having the same argument time and time again. Do the same issues keep cropping up only to prompt yet another heated argument? Maybe one or both of you storm off in anger instead of staying to work on the problem. Issues that are left unresolved are like ticking time bombs, you are never sure when they might explode.

2. Avoiding conversation. Do you turn on the television or the computer or open up a book as a way to avoid having to talk to your spouse? Avoiding talking to your spouse about the problems won't make them disappear. Lack of communication is a major marriage problem.

3. A void of physical intimacy. Do you put off or shy away from physical intimacy? Humans have a natural desire for physical closeness. One of the major things that sets a marriage apart from any other relationship is physical intimacy. Without a physical relationship, you might as well be living with a friend or a sibling.

4. Criticizing everything. Maybe your spouse is not perfect, but neither are you. Constant criticism is not only demeaning, but it is disrespectful, as well. Most people are already self-conscious of their own issues, and no one enjoys having them pointed out by someone else. Constant criticism can make a spouse shut down, tuning out your voice whenever you start to talk.

5. Letting your marriage sink to the bottom of the priority list. Do you remember how you always wanted to spend every minute together in the beginning of you relationship? That behavior is completely normal, and most couples will find a way to settle into a balanced lifestyle shortly after. Problems begin to occur when the marriage and your spouse start to become less important than other things in life.

If any of the warning signs I have talked about hit a little too close to home, I strongly suggest you begin turning things around. Problems in marriages cannot fix themselves. By leaving problems alone, and not dealing with them, you only make things worse. Blaming your spouse will not fix the problems, either. Even though saving a marriage can be hard work, your relationship is worth the effort.

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If you recognize these marriage problem signs in your marriage, you need a solid plan for how to save a failing marriage. With a solid plan you can then begin the journey to a successful, happy marriage. Visit http://www.mydistantlove.com to learn more.

Article originally published on How To Get Your Ex Back article

Divorce: How To Save Your Marriage

By Ras Reed

One of the things you must discern is that we are not the same. Even twins are different in terms of personality and character. Commonly, when you meet someone, the first thing that catches your attention in that person is what is absent in you that the person has. Even though you may have something in common with the person you are going out with, there will still be some things that make the two of you different from each other. You should discern that it is this difference that made you marry your wife or husband in the first place.
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The rationale why numerous marriages break up is because they fail to recognize the differences that brought them together before everything. In other words, they never permitted the differences. But if you accept or are aware of the differences, you will desist from any attempt to change your spouse. If you keep attempting to change him or her, you will become trapped in a frustrating marriage and once you can no longer bear, you select divorce. What you must do is to cultivate the habit of acceptance and you can do so by observing the following.

Make sure you keep an open mind. Without it, you will not be able to accept those things that make your spouse different. As time goes on and your spouse changes, you will notice that the difference is no longer pronounced. It is highly crucial that you keep this in your mind.

Always behold the difference as a means of becoming more intimate with your spouse. Stop looking at the difference negatively. Use it to bring your spouse into a deeper relationship.

You should remember that you are also different. You never can tell, your spouse may also be reacting to the difference in you just as you are struggling to accept the difference in him or her.

You should draw a line between acceptable and unacceptable differences. In other words, you should not equate acceptance with complacency as they are two different things. Discuss with your spouse the difference in him or her that can be accepted by you and those that you cannot accept.

It is critical for you to appreciate what makes your spouse different. This is hardly done in most homes and is mostly responsible for the expanding rate of divorce. Try and appreciate the difference in your spouse even if you don't feel like. With time, you will find it easy doing so.

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Ras Reed focuses on revealing articles about Stop Divorce , and Free Divorce Advice For Men on his website.

Article originally published on How To Get Your Ex Back article